The Diary: Diving and hype before Euros final is at least over

IN the days when Doctor Who was genuinely scary, little kids used to cower behind the sofa to avoid looking at the gruesome monsters.

In much the same way, scaredy-cat Scots have been hunkering behind the furnishings in appalled, gibbering terror while England progressed in the Euros.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t a sofa wide enough to block out yesterday’s game between the brave, charming and pretty darn wonderful Italians and those other blokes. 

But enough about Sunday’s shenanigans. Reader Lindsay Young is still exasperated about an earlier match where Raheem Sterling dramatically tumbled over in the box, with seemingly little provocation, and grabbed a penalty for England.

“The Queen will have to cancel a knighthood for Raheem,” predicts Lindsay. “She’ll be worried that tapping his shoulder with a sword could lead to an attempted murder charge.”

Talking in tongues

MEANWHILE, as the dust settles after yesterday’s final, former Glasgow Labour MP Tom Harris has this to say: “So sick of all the hype surrounding the England team! If it was Scotland in the final, the Scottish media would have barely mentioned it.”

(We attempted to locate Tom’s tongue while he was making this comment, though couldn’t find it. It must have been wedged firmly in his cheek.)

Curried eggs

YOUR average debauched rock god used to spend his day chucking TV sets out hotel windows.

The destructive moments of Justin Currie, lead singer with Glasgow band Del Amitri, are slightly more commonplace. He dropped eggs on the floor while preparing breakfast.

Apparently the incident was the result of a hefty static shock from the cooker that bent Justin’s favourite frying pan and left him screaming.

Alas, the fallen eggs couldn’t be saved, though Justin thought about applying the ‘five second rule’ allowing him to gobble them up… then changed his mind.

“I’ve not mopped that floor since 2007,” he explained.

Ringing endorsement

“I LIKE the word ‘tinnitus’, says reader Ralph Jamieson. “It has a nice ring to it.”

Jonestown revisited

THE latest Indiana Jones movie is filming in Glasgow and the Diary is wondering if its title will reflect its location. John Mulholland suggests it should be called… Raiders of the Possilpark.

Rogers and out

CONTINUING our movie theme… Reader David Donaldson notes classic films like Rocky and Star Wars have had their ratings changed to soothe modern sensitivities. “Should Roy Rogers now come with a trigger warning?” he wonders.

Red alert

IN an inspirational mood, reader Jim Hamilton says: “Whatever you do, always give 100 per cent… unless you’re donating blood.”

The Herald Scotland

The Herald Scotland

The Herald is a Scottish broadsheet newspaper founded in 1783. The Herald is the longest running national newspaper in the world and is the eighth oldest daily paper in the world. The title was simplified from The Glasgow Herald in 1992